Common Concerns of Birth Parents

General  Stress Events History

Links  to Agency-approved Adoptive Families

Common Concerns of Birth Parents

Birth parents: Feel  free to e-mail (Maryl)  or call Maryl at (877) 237-7585, any time, any day, if you want to find some answers to the following questions:

About  Adoptive Parents

  1. How many prospective adoptive parents should I talk to before I decide? What are the really important questions to ask them?
  2. Is there a way I can have Maryl "check out" prospective adoptive  parents I am considering regardless of what agency or attorney they  are with? Can I have her ask the "hard questions" so I don't have to?
  3.  If I want to see profiles of prospective adoptive parents that Maryl  has personally educated and evaluated, how do I start that process?
  4. Can  Maryl help me work out misunderstandings or talk to the adoptive parents  about a change in the adoption plan?
  5. Why  are adoptive parents so nervous about the whole adoption process? If the people I have met are really tense, does that mean they'll  be like that as parents?
  6. Is it possible the prospective adoptive parents might pretend to like me just so I'll give them my baby?
  7.  Is it true I can place my baby with adoptive parents who live in another  state or country than mine?
  8. How  do I arrange financial support for my pregnancy-related expenses? What if I want travel expenses paid so I can meet the adoptive parents and see their home?
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About  Birth Fathers

  1. Can  Maryl gently and tactfully explain things to my mom or dad, the birth father, or his family so I don't have to struggle with them over it?

  2. I'm  embarrassed about identifying the baby's birth father. Can Maryl help me explain the fact that I'm not certain which of my two boyfriends is the baby's father?

  3. I  want to make sure that both men sign their consent to the adoption without  knowing about each other; how do I insure that?

  4.  Am I breaking the law if I lie about the birth father's identity or if  I pretend I don't know his last name or how to locate him?

  5. What if the adoptive parents want a DNA test to confirm the identity of the birth father?

  6. I  can't raise the baby, but if I tell the birth father I'm pregnant and planning an adoption I think he will refuse to cooperate.

  7. I  want very much to see my baby in a secure adoptive family; I think my parents and possibly the birth father's parents would do everything they could to prevent an adoption. What can we do?
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About  The Child

  1. How do adopted people feel about being adopted? Is it true that most of them believe their birth parents made the right decision?
  2. I've heard my child or the adoptive parents could find me even if I ask never to be contacted, is that true? Why can't an attorney or a "closed"  adoption agency guarantee my privacy?
  3. My pregnancy is the result of sexual relations I had with my father or  my brother. I'm very worried about how to go through the adoption process keeping this information confidential. Should the child ever be told when he becomes an adult?
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About  Making Decisions

  1.  It's very difficult to decide what to do. Can I just talk to Maryl  to sort things out?

  2. Why  is it so important to talk with other birth mothers and other birth fathers who have already been through the experience before I go through it?

  3.  If it hurts so much, and people sometimes consider it "unnatural",  how can adoption be the right decision?

  4. Am I hurting my chances of a successful adoption if I let it be known that  I did drugs, drank alcohol or have genetic health problems that might  affect the baby
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About  What Happens After the Adoption

  1. Grief: How much will separating from my baby hurt me, and for how long?

  2. How  can I be guaranteed my right to post-adoption contact if most states  don't enforce such agreements by law?

  3.  Why do so many birth mothers change their minds about the amount of post-adoption contact they want after the baby is adopted?

  4. Can  I control the role my family (my parents, for example) plays in the baby's life after the adoption?
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About  Working with Adoption Professionals

  1. Why  are adoption agencies or attorneys limited in how much they can help me  with the negotiations and relationship problems that arise during the  adoption process?

  2. I  want to choose adoptive parents who are working with an agency that offers counseling to birth parents, but I want to be able to call on Maryl if I need to; how do I arrange this?
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© 2000, Fresno Youth Advocates   1039 U Street Fresno, CA 93721
Dr.  Maryl Millard. All rights reserved.
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