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Common Concerns of Birth Parents

General Stress Events History

Links to Agency-approved Adoptive Families

Common Concerns of Birth Parents

Birth parents: Feel free to e-mail (Maryl) or call Maryl at (877) 237-7585, any time, any day, if you want to find some answers to the following questions:

 

About Adoptive Parents

  • How many prospective adoptive parents should I talk to before I decide? What are the really important questions to ask them?
  • Is there a way I can have Maryl "check out" prospective adoptive parents I am considering regardless of what agency or attorney they are with? Can I have her ask the "hard questions" so I don't have to?
  • If I want to see profiles of prospective adoptive parents that Maryl has personally educated and evaluated, how do I start that process?
  • Can Maryl help me work out misunderstandings or talk to the adoptive parents about a change in the adoption plan?
  • Why are adoptive parents so nervous about the whole adoption process? If the people I have met are really tense, does that mean they'll be like that as parents?
  • Is it possible the prospective adoptive parents might pretend to like me just so I'll give them my baby?
  • Is it true I can place my baby with adoptive parents who live in another state or country than mine?
  • How do I arrange financial support for my pregnancy-related expenses? What if I want travel expenses paid so I can meet the adoptive parents and see their home?
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About Birth Fathers

  • Can Maryl gently and tactfully explain things to my mom or dad, the birth father, or his family so I don't have to struggle with them over it?
  • I'm embarrassed about identifying the baby's birth father. Can Maryl help me explain the fact that I'm not certain which of my two boyfriends is the baby's father?
  • I want to make sure that both men sign their consent to the adoption without knowing about each other; how do I insure that?
  • Am I breaking the law if I lie about the birth father's identity or if I pretend I don't know his last name or how to locate him?
  • What if the adoptive parents want a DNA test to confirm the identity of the birth father?
  • I can't raise the baby, but if I tell the birth father I'm pregnant and planning an adoption I think he will refuse to cooperate.
  • I want very much to see my baby in a secure adoptive family; I think my parents and possibly the birth father's parents would do everything they could to prevent an adoption. What can we do?
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About The Child

  • How do adopted people feel about being adopted? Is it true that most of them believe their birth parents made the right decision?
  • I've heard my child or the adoptive parents could find me even if I ask never to be contacted, is that true? Why can't an attorney or a "closed" adoption agency guarantee my privacy?
  • My pregnancy is the result of sexual relations I had with my father or my brother. I'm very worried about how to go through the adoption process keeping this information confidential. Should the child ever be told when he becomes an adult?
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About Making Decisions

  • It's very difficult to decide what to do. Can I just talk to Maryl to sort things out?
  • Why is it so important to talk with other birth mothers and other birth fathers who have already been through the experience before I go through it?
  • If it hurts so much, and people sometimes consider it "unnatural", how can adoption be the right decision?
  • Am I hurting my chances of a successful adoption if I let it be known that I did drugs, drank alcohol or have genetic health problems that might affect the baby
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About What Happens After the Adoption

  • Grief: How much will separating from my baby hurt me, and for how long?
  • How can I be guaranteed my right to post-adoption contact if most states don't enforce such agreements by law?
  • Why do so many birth mothers change their minds about the amount of post-adoption contact they want after the baby is adopted?
  • Can I control the role my family (my parents, for example) plays in the baby's life after the adoption?
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About Working with Adoption Professionals

  • Why are adoption agencies or attorneys limited in how much they can help me with the negotiations and relationship problems that arise during the adoption process?
  • I want to choose adoptive parents who are working with an agency that offers counseling to birth parents, but I want to be able to call on Maryl if I need to; how do I arrange this?
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